OPINION: How I Think These Anime Characters Would Fare Against John Wick
In case you haven’t heard, John Wick: Chapter 4 is now in theaters, and is by all accounts just as stunning and spectacular as its predecessors. Keanu Reeves’ franchise has become one of the premiere action vehicles of the 21st century, buoyed by marvelously inventive choreography and Reeves’ own committed performance. John Wick has ascended to the pantheon of action heroes populated by characters like Rambo or Dirty Harry, except driven by the most fundamental and human of motives: Somebody messed with my dog. Checking out these films is always a pleasure, but at the end of the day, they also leave me with a lingering question: Could John Wick beat Goku?
It’s an age-old question amongst anime fans, one that resurfaces whenever a new challenger reaches for the throne. Dragon Ball’s relentless power ramping means it’s a little tough to beat the king himself at this point; I imagine John Wick would be troubled by an opponent who can travel through space, destroy planets with his mind, jump between dimensions and has cheated death at least twice. And frankly, given John Wick’s principle weapons are his trusty handguns, he also starts at a significant disadvantage: after all, basically the first thing Goku did back in Dragon Ball was weather a hail of bullets and emerge unscathed. So perhaps Goku would beat Wick in a contest of strength… but what about other characters?
RELATED: 11 of Bulma’s Greatest Inventions in the Dragon Ball Anime
Dialing down one step from universe-destroying powers, I imagine I’m not the only one who’d like to see a fight between Wick and Hellsing‘s Alucard. Yes, Alucard is indeed a centuries-old vampire with untold powers and an ability to shift into formless eyes and teeth, and that indeed would be a difficult hurdle for Wick to traverse. But the thing is, Alucard is also an overconfident showboater who craves a good fight, whereas Wick is a no-nonsense professional with a level head and clear goals in mind. Knowing he was squaring off against a vampire, Wick would surely stock every crucifix and holy water-filled squirt gun he could assemble, leading to one more potential upset victory for the Baba Yaga.
Of course, some of anime’s greatest heroes are less supernatural forces and more really tough dudes. Take Guts, the Black Swordsman, former commander of the Band of the Hawk. Countless fighters have fallen before the protagonist of Berserk’s mighty blade, and I get the feeling he’d actually have a real fight with Wick. In spite of Guts’ imposing physicality, this would be a battle of the minds — each would clearly recognize in the other a savage and terrifying animal, thus their battle would lean heavily on staging and positional advantage, with Guts likely hoping to trap Wick in a situation where range is limited and his size can take over. I’m not sure who wins there, but it seems close enough that I’d love to see it.
RELATED: How The Definition of Strength is Constantly Evolving in One Piece
Alright, how about a professional bounty hunter like, say, Spike Spiegel and the crew of Cowboy Bebop? As a gunslinger, it’s hard to believe that Spike is John Wick’s equal; Wick’s pistols seem more like extensions of his hands than supplemental tools, so a gunfight would not be in Spike’s favor. On the other hand, Spike’s physical agility undoubtedly outstrips the visibly fatigued Wick, and the Bebop crew have already demonstrated a knack for defeating seemingly implacable killing machines. However it played out, I’d be eager to see the Bebop team at least attempt to cage the world’s most dangerous assassin.
Eren Jaeger, on the other hand, seems like an easy win for Wick. In his human form it’s not even a question. Jaeger isn’t the best warrior even within his own show and I doubt Wick would have trouble following a target zipping around in 3D maneuverability gear. Titan form Eren is at least a fight, but I doubt our boy possesses the strategic perspective or proper wariness regarding his opponent to gain a win. Titans have been killed plenty in Attack on Titan, and that’s with little disposable razor blades. Give Wick anything approaching his standard arsenal and it’s not even a contest.
Let’s steer Wick back toward a genuine challenge then, and set him up against JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure‘s imposing Dio Brando. We’ve already squared Wick off against a mighty vampire, but Dio furthermore possesses the incomparable Joestar blood, as well as a truly preposterous superpower in his time-stopping The World. I can’t imagine any of Wick’s conventional weaponry would work against a vampire who can stop time, but now I am envisioning Wick summoning an incredibly muscular version of his dog as his Stand Power and have a hard time seeing Dio countering this new development.
I’ve made my predictions, but feel free to offer your own Wick matchups in the comments!
Nick Creamer has been writing about cartoons for too many years now and is always ready to cry about Madoka. You can find more of his work at his blog Wrong Every Time or follow him on Twitter.
