The Vampire Dies in No Time is hilarious, silly, and more than a little lewd. The irreverent comedy — which returned for its second season on January 9 — is packed with quirky vampire hunters and some of the just plain weirdest creatures you’ll ever see. It’s also home to the best vampire familiar of all time, John the Armadillo. (Sorry, Guillermo, I still love what you do in the shadows!)

 

If you haven’t met John yet, he’s the cutie pie on the 2023 New Year’s celebration illustration recently shared by the official account for The Vampire Dies in No Time:

 

【待ち受け配布】
あけましておめでとうございます!!
ジョンの描きおろしイラストを使用した
お正月オリジナルのスマホ用待ち受け画像を配布します!!

▼詳細はこちら！https://t.co/fxUkCM9Svv#吸血鬼すぐ死ぬ #お正月 pic.twitter.com/khMCZP3L62

— 「吸血鬼すぐ死ぬ」公式 (@johnwakawaii) January 1, 2023

 

RELATED: Hop into 2023 with Over 100 Celebratory Illustrations from Anime, Manga and More

 

John even has his own fan club, first seen in the Season 1 episode “Kidnap Capriccio.” Seriously, they have official T-shirts and everything. Why does an armadillo have a fan club, you might be asking? What makes him so amazing? And what does an armadillo have to do with vampires, anyway? Find out these answers and more as I give you five reasons to join the John Fan Club.

 

Let’s just get this out of the way:

 

John is Super Dang Cute

 

 

He’s a ball of fluff with a protective shell. He wears his feelings on his proverbial sleeve. He only says “nu” but somehow you understand exactly what he means. John is all-around adorable — no pun intended. It’s no wonder the kind-hearted vampires in Draluc’s family rescued the injured armadillo when he was a baby and instantly fell in love with him.

 

John is an Amazing Futsal Player

 

John isn’t just an important member of the vampire hunter team with Ronaldo and Draluc! He’s also part of his community in Shin Yokohama, playing in the local futsal team. (It’s like football/soccer.) He’s also the ball, occasionally, but let’s not talk about that.

 

RELATED: Which of These 2022 Anime Companions Would You Give a Forever Home To?

 

He’s such an energetic and invaluable team player that his very own fan club cheers for him on the sidelines. “Kidnap Capriccio” is the only episode you need to watch to discover the joy of John for yourself.

 

He’s Thoughtful

 

Even after a long day of playing sports with his friends, John thinks of Ronaldo and Draluc when he passes by a sweets shop. He decides to bring home treats for everyone — including himself, of course. Quite an adventure unfolds thanks to his kindness, including his kidnapping and subsequent rescue from an unexpected source, but it all works out in the end.

 

He’s Fast and Fearless When Someone is in Trouble

 

 

John cries a lot. (That’s OK, so do I.) He might not seem like the bravest armadillo out there, but that changes the moment someone is in danger. Whether it’s his fellow armadillos, innocent children, or Draluc — especially Draluc — John rolls into the fray without a second thought.

 

RELATED: The Vampire Dies in No Time Anime Raises the Stakes in New Season 2 Trailer

 

His tendency to rush into danger often results in him getting in trouble himself, but there’s no shortage of friends and supporters who will drop everything to help him.

 

John Traveled Across the World to Find His Friend

 

 

If you’re still not convinced that the John Fan Club is for you, all you have to do is watch his origin story in the first-season episode “Shin-Yokohama Battle Royale” to be completely won over. The ending credits for the series give a hint of everything John went through to find Draluc when they were separated. By the time you reach this episode, seeing the entire story is a joy in itself.

 

Can a slightly NSFW series about vampires be heartwarming? Absolutely. Especially when it’s The Vampire Dies in No Time, thanks in no small part to a little armadillo named John.

 

Who is your favorite roly-poly anime character? Let me know in the comments!

 

 

---

 

Kelly Knox has been an anime fan for over 20 years. She’s a pop culture writer and author in the Seattle area and you can always find her on Twitter.